By Paul Falcone
Mediating employee disputes is never easy. Many managers typically look the other way, sweep matters under the rug and hope problems magically fix themselves. Unfortunately, that approach—typically known in legal and ethics circles as “deliberate ignorance” or “willful blindness theory”—rarely fixes problems.
Instead, the matter is delayed or postponed, only to explode at some point in the future when an often-minor infraction is blown out of context, almost like a proverbial straw being broken on a camel’s back.
In short, what’s not addressed typically builds up over time because healthy communication never happened in real time as the incident occurred.
A proactive approach
To avoid potential blowouts and to get ahead of the need to mediate disputes in the first place, the best approach is a proactive one.
Meet with your team to explain your philosophy surrounding challenges between and among staff members before they arise. Your opening discussion might sound like this:
“Everyone, I wanted to share my approach towards conflict resolution within our team. First, while confronting problems head-on is not much fun, it’s better for all of us if we do. I never want people on our team to feel like they’re walking on eggshells or cutting a wide swath around anyone else. I want you all to feel that you can do your best work every day with peace of mind and without any drama.
“So in the spirit of full disclosure, I want you all to know that if I see something, I’ll say something—you can count on it. I’ll handle the matter respectfully and without judgment of any sort, but I have the right to observe things fairly and make the call from time to time. As a result, please understand my philosophy going forward so that we’re all aligned and on the same page when it comes to dealing with interpersonal conflict or disagreements of any sort.”
Setting expectations for your team
Your explanation might continue this way:
“Next, my expectations regarding your dealings with one another are simple as well. Let’s agree on creating a ‘safe word’ where we can talk with one another when something has the potential to become uncomfortable. Disagreement is fine, but conflict has no place on our team.
“I’ve used a simple word in the past—‘permission’—to indicate that I’d like the person’s approval to share something of concern. It means that we’re not calling rank or otherwise asserting ourselves over anyone else. We’re simply coming together as adults and calling a safe place in which we can discuss a perception or optic problem where we may agree to disagree or at least need further clarification. How does that word sound and work for you all? Are you okay with ‘permission,’ or would you prefer another safe word or approach to help us talk things through without judgment, conflict or drama?” [Response: “The word ‘permission’ is fine.”]
“Great. Lastly, let’s talk about how it applies to me as your team lead and department head. If I ever do anything that perturbs you, makes you feel like you’re not able to perform at your highest level or otherwise feel fully engaged in your work and proud of what you’re doing, I’d like to know about it immediately. Please don’t swallow it and let it create a lump in your throat until you blow up at some point or otherwise surprise me with something that’s been bothering you for a long time that you haven’t felt comfortable sharing with me for fear of upsetting me.
“My job is to create the right and certain circumstances where you can perform at your highest level, do meaningful work and garner achievements to build your résumé while making our organization a better place. I can’t fix an issue if I’m not aware of it, and I’d much rather know about a problem upfront before it turns into a conflict.
“With all that being said, let’s discuss what questions or suggestions you have, both for your peer-to-peer communications and your working relationship with me as your manager …”
Nothing reduces drama on a team better than calling it out proactively and setting expectations for everyone in terms of how you plan to work with them and how they should treat one another.
When expectations are set correctly, there is typically less need to engage in conflict mediation and resolution in the first place. But conflicts will inevitably come your way, and if you don’t set clear expectations like these upfront, team members may be afraid to share their concerns for fear of your “killing the messenger.” It’s time to put that mistaken assumption behind you.
Use the script as a starting point
It’s far better for you in terms of building your leadership, communication and team-building “personal brand” to set expectations surrounding dispute resolution and, more importantly, how respect rules the day, no matter the topic at hand.
Employing a simple script like this during a staff meeting is likely your best strategy for effective team leadership. The script can also be shared in writing as a memorandum of understanding, letter of clarification or same-day summary.
Discussing this with the team can help build self-confidence in your staff members, enabling them to weather any intra-team storm that comes their way.
Paul Falcone (www.PaulFalconeHR.com) is principal of Paul Falcone Workplace Leadership Consulting, LLC. Find the full list of his books at Amazon.com/author/paulfalcone. Subscribe to his YouTube channel at www.youtube.com/@paulfalconeHR.
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